Saturday, February 24, 2007
EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE
CEO: Today we have a very important agenda. We have to brand Poodle inc. Poodle Inc has to become a household name. People should know we are producing.........aaah.....errrr......uh.....John what are we producing......what you don't know........well uh ...eh...well....we are producing quality! (Big Smile) And I want you all to tell me how to improve quality.
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12 comments:
VP Operations: Well sir with all due respect that needs a fully functioning Quality Control Committee
VP production: we need raw material ...to produce whatever this stuff called quality is..
VP marketing: Well looks like I will have to give a primer on quality here.....Quality is something we promise to our customers. It is just a promise.....you dont have to deliver it....To brand a product as a quality product...all we need to do is to keep on saying "It is a quality Product" over and over again. They will get it...heh heh heh \
Well at this point I have to say that I am very pleased with the last meting we had about day dreaming. I must say that even in your dreams you can not violate the corporate policies. One thing you can do is to reporting yourself to the self control commitee if you had any dreams or said any thing in your dreams that would not comply with our company policies or mottos! Further considerations will be discussed in our next big brother is watching you committee!!
Sincerely,
VP of the Region
CEO: A very important point made by our senior VP.....he truly has understood vision of our company. When we ...as a leader day dream....we create a vision...sometimes we have to go to those fancy resorts...play golf or do something to create these visions.....Thats our job! Oh by the way ...we would like to cut down vacation time for our employees...we really need to improve productivity this year..
Our Purchase department has called in asking what kind of chairs we need to buy for our customers. Can we quickly ponder on the issue of utmost importance?
Unrofunately we had to dismiss John. As usual he was fired on a friday. His customer satisfaction score was only 7.9999998 in opose to the maximum which is 8. Once more I have to encourage all of our employees to make our customers happy (at any cost). Please refer to the page 124567 of the corporate policy and baylaws!! Ofcourse we will chase those customers with all our power if they do not pay us in a timely manner.(paying within 5 days of receiving service!)
The other important issue is as of today all corporate employees are entitled to receive a free Preparation-H tube on monthly basis. We understand that attending all those very important meetimgs and numerous committees we have on daily basis can create lots of itching and pain problems, however the free Prep.-H is only for the administration level. Other employees can have sit baths at home!!
I agree with cutting the vacation period to only 3 days a year (including sick days) productivity is the most important issue in our company.
About the new chairs for our customers; I am not sure about that. We can certainly try to look for some yard sales in order to cut on costs.
Regional VP
VP Customer Service: Well...I am sorry to hear about John....he was ok for the company.....but we all should realize nobody is above the policy...If policy says he should be fired...he should be. A 0.0000001 point difference in customer satisfaction score is a huge..huge...disadvantage to us. John was able to get score of 8 on all customer satisfaction surveys for last twenty years. I guess he slacked off last week.
Last evening one of our employee was beaten up by a group of customers...he says they kicked his B*lls...I mean real B*lls...But he still managed to get a full 8 on customer satisfaction survey. I don't think it is that hard to do. Granted I am in a position that i am not exposed to customers but I have this constant ....vibe with them.......okay I don't deal with them but atleast I think about them everyday.
They should be happy I think of them...for not many management poeople think about them anyways.
All right Gentlemen, I have to initiate the "How to smile at your customer" meeting. Our VP of the region will chair the committee and then he will direct information and ideas about this important issue to the executive committee.
Hey John...oh he is gone...hey Matt can you ask them to get my Ferrari out...
whee! whee!
Mr VP..(Matt)I did not see his Ferrari where he usually parked..I looked over everywhere in the every piece of the corporate ground. I even asked corporate helicopter to locate his car all over the town. We could not find it. Finally the doorman said,today is not his Ferrari day, today is his Lambergini day.May be he meant to take out Lambergini. Sir?
Damn right valet man! you are a problem solver. Great contributor to our corporate. keep up with your good work!
Administrative Committee on Tardiness: It is our belief that tardiness is not excusable for any reason, including vehicular problems. In accordance, we, as a committee, have unanimously decided that all corporate employees (mainly to include CEO, VP, VP Marketing and Administrative Committee) shall be reimbursed to have appropriate transportation to and from work. Items such as Lamborghinis, Ferraris, Porches are all valid items for which reimbursement will be made so long as the vehicle color is not duplicated so as to not cause confusion among the executive members when leaving from work to the golf course for important meetings. Please understand that we have taken special consideration of all of the factors involved, including but not limited to parking. We have assigned all of the closest parking spots to our top-most producers. We have stragically placed the handicapped parking spaces far away from the entrance to the building to discourage any slow moving people from working here or even showing interest in our company as it will only slow our productivity down. We want our customers to com in and out of our place in a rapid fashion so we can continue to make even more money.
Drive safely.!!
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