Our CEO has shown concern for our employees and wishes them all the best with their request. He also immediately sent an email to the chair of this committee, explaining how a $20 microwave given to the employees could adversly affect the stock prices of Poodle Inc. The chair has asked me to share this logic with you as it is of utmost importance that stock prices stay on an upward trend.
Once a microwave is placed in the kitchen of a department, our accountants have noted that there can be serious consequences. Each employee on an average eats or drinks two times during the day. Research has shown that presence of a microwave increases the frequency of eating or drinking to three times a day (a 50% increase!). Each employee heats their food for an average of 2 minutes. And since this food is now hot, he takes another one minute to cool it down. Speed of eating is decreased as food is relatively hot and delicious (+2 minutes). Employees tend to seek water or coke after eating hot food more often; adding another one minute of time. This includes going to the fountain, picking a glass, looking into it...and then filling it.
That is a total of six minutes per employee. Now we have ten employees in the department which has requested the microwave. That is 60 minutes of additional time wasted per day and reduced productivity. (Understandably, our CEO used some profanity here which has been deleted) Now that adds up to 365 hours of reduced productivity per year and concerns me as it will reduced our output and revenues. And that can hit our stocks very hard.
11 comments:
Senior VP Regulations: I believe this request should be summarily rejected as we have not received Form 6781 needed to complete the other Forms submitted. We have received rest of the forms associated with this request including Form 524, Form 35 G, Form 4123 addendum, Form K-12, Form 312, Form 5656, Form 43R, Form 40ML. Also we have the cover letter.....oh wait !!! There it is!! I found Form 6781 too. Damn we can look into the matter further.
supervisor to Senior VP, Sir, do you know Betty. She is complaining this morning, she must eat heated meal as you know she is in her morning sickness. She cannot eat her meal cold and make her feel sick.
VP : Come on tell her. According to unconfirmed research of the "bluffer association", there is remote, vague possible chance that microwave can effect the fetus in her tummy. so she will not ask for a microwave. we donot haveto buy one for the employees. Win-win situation.
manager: sounds good sir. Everybody wins!
well if the employees promise not to eat here then we can approve it
Well I am concerned that microwave may be misused to cook something else ...like...hmmm..cook up some excuses which may be used to get away from responsibility.
Whats the point. Our CEO does not want to approve it so lets find a good reason and reject this proposal.
CEO Assoc. of America (CEOAA): We recommend that several subcommittees be formed to further investigate the proposal for a microwave. These committees should include an Energy Consumption Committee, Microwave Safety Committee, Microwave Style and Color Committee, Microwave Maintenance Committee. We also recommend an employee course be inititated in regards to standard and appropriate microwave use and instructions. The United States Microwave Association (USMA) recommends that anyone using a microwave in a business must have at least 100 hours of certified microwave use prior to use. We recommend also that these above comittees perform their due diligence in their respective functions. We hope this helps you move forward to a resolution in your matter as it regards to the proposal of a microwave in the business place.
Sincerely,
Lont-time microwave user (1000+ certified hours) and member of CEOAA
It is clear from the CEO of Americas that our staff needs intense training in the microwave use prior to even considering their request. I would like to propose a by-law change in which such a request for microwave can only be considered if an additional form 1000HRTr documenting the 1000 hours certified microwave use is submitted by each employee who has access to the microwave.
Secretary: I second the proposal for bylaw change to add form 1000HRTr.Also to remind you all that if the decision in a meeting proceeds towards the desires of our CEO, we do not need a voting on the proposal. therefore this proposal is passed automatically.
psst: I don't think any one of us would like to risk our administrative jobs for this anyways!
Since proposal 1000HRTr has passed , my biggest concern is the use of the microwave by someone who does not have 1000+ Hours of certified microwave training. I will propose an ID badge swipe be added to the microwaves so as restrict unauthorized use.
Thunderous "AYE" in the room.
CEO Association of America: We recommend that microwave use, should the microwave approval committee approve the issuance of a microwave, be a privilege for our employees and that it be mandatory that any employee requesting a badge with microwave use authority pay the required fees to have such authorities. We also recommend a time limit restriction on the ID badges as it pertains to microwave use time as well as a maximum allowable microwave use per month so as to discourage privileged employees from offering their microwave authority to other unauthorized microwave users.
Sincerely,
Member of CEO Assoc.of America and long-time microwave user (1050+ certified hours)
P.S.: I have an additional 50 more certified hours of microwave use since my last publication.
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